Thinking out loud: My X-Father in-law would accuse me of lying when my reaction was to be highly upset/angry (when being accused of something I didn't do). He had it written in stone that due to that reaction, I was lying. He never once considered my background history. I grew up with A LOT of other kids, and I was constantly being accused of things I didn't do. I was bullied over it to the point I started lashing out. Once I started lashing out, I learned I'd be left alone by doing so. I never read that as what liars do to get someone to stop interrogating. I didn't know that's what liars normally do. My brain mentally grew up believing their disengagement meant I proved I was telling the truth. If I'm being accused of something I actually did, and I don't want anyone to know, so I try to play stupid, and if still questioned, I'll feel more and more guilty, until I break down, and confess way more than what they needed to know. Example: Chunk's confession in the movie "Goonies".
It wasn't even over a year ago when I last asked, "Look me in the eye, and tell me". I said it while questioning a trained police officer. He looked me in the eye intently of course, and swore he was telling the truth. He wasn't. I now know that, but I didn't at the time. I now know his tell offs though, because I didn't just study his eyes. I didn't know how to process/read his tell offs at the time. I didn't know they were tell offs at the time, but I do now.
How many of you grew up being told something over and over to the point you still believe it is true? When someone tries to give you new information to help you re-learn, or update your info, do you scoff at them, and instantly think they don't know what they are talking about, or do you investigate, look into it, do your homework?
As for myself, I sometimes scoff at first, but give me time. I'll stew on it after arguing my point, but then I'll cave and research it. I always do the walk of shame with admitting when I was wrong. When life is busy and I forget to update the person I scoffed at, I'll feel like a jerk, because I am a jerk for not making it important enough to clarify when I knew it was important to the other person. Also it makes me a jerk because I'll be thankful I was educated better, and I forgot to give thanks. That's just rude, accidental or not, it's rude, and I can be rude A LOT while my light bulb isn't on.
My honesty that is taken as rude doesn't count in my book though. If your makeup is caking, I'm not going to keep my mouth shut. I'm going to tell you. If your house stinks, I'll let you know. If you look like crud, I'm going to tell you. Basically if I think you don't know, and I think you'd want to know, then I'm telling you. Otherwise you have to ask me, and no way anyone should get upset with me when you ask me to be honest, and I am.
With all that said, I am a horrible person when I'm highly upset/irate while going off on someone. My brain isn't working right when that stressed out, and I say things that I actually don't mean, but will try my hardest to convince the other person I DO MEAN IT. You hurt me, and I'm trying to hurt you back, so don't tell me I don't mean it when you know I don't. I'll try harder to convince you I mean it. ALSO Don't guilt trip me for saying something while angry that you know I did not mean while angry. If you drag out the guilt trip, I'm going to resent you more than you resent what I said out of anger. If I actually do mean what I said, I'll stand by it every day, every time it comes up. No worries guessing there.
I'm sharing all this for people that don't know me well. For those that I've known a long time, and still don't get me... you never tried to get me to begin with, you just assume, run with it, write it in stone, like my X father in-law did.
